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Adolph Hitler: In a futile effort to escape serving the Master Race.

Agnosticism: Did the chicken really cross the road? Is there even a chicken? Is there a road?

A.J. Ayer: In the absence of a technique to verify or falsify the assertion that it crossed it, the crossing must be regarded as chickenless.

Al Bundy: It was married...with children!

Al Gore: Because I designed the Information Superhighway (aka 'road') so that all chickens, especially American ones, can cross under our benevolent supervision.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: Because one chicken cannot be more chicken than another. It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Atheism: There is no 'the Chicken' to cross any roads.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads — even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Baptist: That chicken crossed the road all wrong, so it doesn't matter. To truly crossover requires true faith.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Beavis and Butthead: Huh huh huh huh huh . . . . . you said 'road'...

Beethoven: To complete its Ode to Chicken.

Bill Clinton: That depends on how yuh define "road".

Bill Gates: We own the road. We own the chicken. It does what we want it to.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Bodhidharma: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Buckminster Fuller: It was too far to walk around!

Buddha: Therefore, the road has no chicken, there is no 'road', nor perception of the 'road', nor impulse to cross it, nor consciousness of the road, no feathers, no beak, no clawed feet, no 'chicken'. No road no chicken no crossing… only the great prajnaparamita of the empty form of chicken and the empty form of the road, and that emptiness; gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond. ‘But, O Buddha,’ said Sariputta, ‘what is that crossing the road before us at this moment?’ And the Great One replied, ‘A chicken, Sariputta.’ ‘But why, O Great One, does it cross the road?’ ‘To get to the other side, Sariputta.'

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Catholicism: The Chicken crossed the road because it was Friday and we were having a Lenten fish fry. Where’s my beer?

Charles Darwin: Chickens, given enough time, have been naturally selected to be genetically disposed to cross roads as those ancestors who fail to cross do not transmit their genes to future generations.

Colonel Sanders: What? I missed one?

Confucianism: Confucius says, "The Chicken crossed the road because the chicken crossed the road."

Darth Vader: To get to the Dark Side.

David Attenborough: And as we watch the lone chicken undertake this hazardous journey, we can only wonder at the awesome nature of this dangerous, yet necessary, migration.

David Copperfield: I made the chicken disappear and reappear on the other side.

Descartes: It crossed; therefore, it did.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

Dr. Seuss: One Chick, Two Chick, Red Chick, Blue Chick. Not one of them is like another. Don't ask us why, go ask your mother. Did the chicken cross the road? Did it cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!

E.O. Wilson: Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioral trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: To find ataraxia.

Episcopalianism: The chicken crossed the road because it was part of a liturgical procession.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Existentialism: What is a chicken anyway and for that matter what is a road?

F. Lee Bailey: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time and who did we overlook in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own two eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Friederich Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. The chicken crossed the road, but it will take time for the consequences of the chicken's actions to be felt by the common chicken.

Gene Roddenberry: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

George Bush: We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Hamlet: That is not the question. To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.

Hillary Clinton: It was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against my husband.

Hinduism: This chicken used to be somebody on the other side of the road.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

H.P. Lovecraft: To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. For each crossing, there is an equal and opposite crossing occurring simultaneously.

Islam: The Chicken crossed because it was Allah's chosen Chicken.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Jane Austen: Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

John Donne: Send not to ask why the chicken crossed the road. It crossed for thee.

John F. Kennedy: Ask not what road this chicken crossed. Ask what road you can cross for that chicken.

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together — in peace.

John Locke: Because it was exercising its natural right to liberty.

John Wayne: Cause a chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.

Judaism: It wasn’t kosher. No get out of my face.

Julius Caesar: It came, it saw, it crossed.

Karl Marx: Driven by the lash of economic necessity, it was a historical inevitability.

Karl Popper: To disprove the hypothesis that chickens could not cross roads.

Kierkegaard: Just because a chicken crosses the road, it does not mean he is on the other side

Krishnamurti: To demonstrate that there is no duality of 'This side' and 'That side' unless thought creates it.

Lao Tzu: Those who cross do not know. Those who know do not cross.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Liberation Theologian: Because poor people were on the other side

Life Of Brian: He's not a chicken, he's a very naughty bird.

Linji: If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.

Madame Blavatsky: He was unwittingly acting on instructions emanating from my immediate superiors in the Himalayas.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Malcolm X: It was coming home to roost.

Marcel Marceau: " "

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Materialism: There is nothing else but chickens and roads for chickens to cross.

Miss Teen South Carolina: I personally believe that the chicken crossed the road because chickens out there, in our nation, don't have roads, and our education, like that with chickens, hens, roosters, and everyone such as, and I believe that chickens over here should help chickens, er, should cross the roads, and the streets, and the highways, so we can build up our future.., for the chickens.

Mohammed: It was the will of Allah.

Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Mysticism: The chicken crossed the road by not crossing the road.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because it's GUILTY! You can see it in it's eyes and the way it walks.

Newt Gingrich: The chicken choose to exercise individual initiative and not wait for a government-funded traffic light program.

Nikola Tesla: As part of a secret experiment in wireless chicken transmission.

Noam Chomsky: The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press)

O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Oprah Winfrey: He was reacting to a repressed traumatic caponisation in his childhood which he will now share with us in detail.

Osama bin Laden: To strike at the heart of the infidels. Praise be to Allah!

Ozzy Osbourne: Who gives a fuck about a fucking chicken!

Paganism: All worship the mighty goddess chicken

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Paul of Tarsus: The chicken does not understand what it does. The chicken does not want to cross the road. It does what it does not want to do, but what it hates to do. Who will save him from this life of road-crossing?!

Pentacostal: Praise God, the chicken crossed the road!

Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.

Plato: For the greater good of the greater chicken.

Presbyterianism: The chicken crossed because it was bound to happen.

Protestantism: The Chicken crossed the road because it says so in the bible.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Rhett Butler: Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!

Richard Dawkins: Because of the selfishness of the road-crossing meme.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. This isn't about roads and chickens. I don't think you quite understand that what you believe I may have meant isn't what you think I said.

Robert Anton Wilson: Because agents of the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of Cooperia were controlling it with their Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of their master plan to take over the world's egg production.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saeed Al Sahaf: The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

Salvador Dali: Three bangs of light and a hippopotamus.

Sigmund Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.

Sirs William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan: To verify through measurement and research explorational, Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational. And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal, To be the very model of a modern chicken-general.

Tarzan: Me chicken, you road.

The Jihadist: The chicken crossed the road hoping for martyrdom.

The Pope: That is only for God to know.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

Thomas Jefferson: All hens are endowed by Nature with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.

Tillich: The chicken had the courage to be on the other side of the road.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

T.S. Eliot: Because chickens will not cease from crossing, and the end of all their crossings will be to reach the side of the road they started from, and to know it for the first time.

Vito Corleone: We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Zen master: What is the sound of a chicken crossing the road?

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Enter a Name: Answer below if so inspired.

To get to the other side get it
andy rooney

Jesus: The chickens heart was not troubled. He trusted in God and he trusted in me.
Pip there was no road .
St. Augustinne: because the chicken are restless in pursuit of the Truth
Harry Callaghan: A chickens got to know his limitations.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: To get to da choppa.
David Foster Wallace: What the hell is the road?
David Foster Wallace: What the hell is the road?
David Foster Wallace: What the hell is the road?



Doc Brown: Roads? Where we're going we don't need no roads!

Omar Khayam: Because life is short, and it might as well do whatever makes it happy.