World Religions Simplified

Taoism = Shit happens.

Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism = If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen = What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism = This shit happened before.

Islam = If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Sunni = If we do shit to Shiites, it is the will of Allah.

Shiite = If we do shit to Sunnis, it is the will of Allah.

Judaism = Why does shit always happen to us?

Christianity = Christ died for your shit.

Protestantism = Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism = If shit happens, you deserved it.

Evangelicalism = Shit happens—praise the Lord!

Jehovah's Witneses = The end of shit happening is near.

Christian Science = Read about shit happening.

Televangelism = Send money or shit will happen to you.

Mormonism = Shit happens to Gentiles.

Scientology = Engrams happen.

Animisim = Spirits make shit happen.

New Age = Visualize no shit happening.

Rastafarian = Smoke that shit.

Humanism = People allow shit to happen.

Atheism = There is no such thing as shit.

Agnosticism = Maybe shit happens...maybe not.